Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
