Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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