Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
