He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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