i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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