So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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