So drunk its hurt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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