he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
