You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
