She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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