He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
