in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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