Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
