I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
