when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
