He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
