i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
