Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
