I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
