so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
