I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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