Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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