Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
