i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
