Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
