ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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