My balls are so social today.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
