she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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