It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
