oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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