dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
