a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
