I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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