I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
