you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
