For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
