It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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