I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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