In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
