I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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