That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
