My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
