I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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