I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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