Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
