Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
