I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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