On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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