Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
