the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
