He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
