This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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