kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
