Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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