Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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